well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
