I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
