I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
