i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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