she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
