Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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