My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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