I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
