I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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