totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
