okay pat passed out under dana's car
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
