There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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