so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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