Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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