I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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