I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
