Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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