so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
