Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
