Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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