You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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