I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
They are going to name an STD after you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize