Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
