Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
