I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
