Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The uberlube is also flammable
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
