i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
