I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i came on her dog
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
