It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize