I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
