Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
