there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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