i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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