he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
