Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
