I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
