I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
