There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
