i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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