I bet he comes in French.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
