super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
