i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
bring money and cleavage
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
