if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
