I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
