I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
