Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
