Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize