You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
