The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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