i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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