I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
