I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
