There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
