is your mom at the bar?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ugly people sure do ruin things
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Randomize
