I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
