THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
