My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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