It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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