im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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