PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Randomize