I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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