somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
