there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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