What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
