he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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