This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
